BEGINNING ANOTHER SEASON & Garden Supplier Advisory

Have to haul this little guy out of storage pretty soon. "Elmer" I call him. After the title character in the very first story I ever wrote, "Elmer, The Ant", in kindergarten. Replete with illustrations courtesy of my mother and myself via crayons. My present-day "Elmer" keeps a sharp "bug" eye overlooking my front garden each year.

How this year's garden will fare is anyone's guess. My seed starting was thwarted by some illness-related setbacks, and then I found myself without my greenhouse this year. I'd ordered a new one late last fall from "Yardiac"with the intention of putting it up this past February. It proved to be disastrous and up until a final resolution granted from on high at the company where it was ordered, I would have been stuck with it to the tune of $300. And if I chose to return it - which was only logical cause the thing was flawed from the git go - I would have had to fork over upwards of $125 for return shipping.

In haste I opted for a portable greenhouse. Actually, a good design in its conception, but a flop in it's practical application. Perhaps if the manufacturer had allowed enough of the polyweave material on either side of the zipper door, then the door could have actually zipped. Bad enough I've got rotator cuff problems, I didn't need to be yanking it out of the socket trying to zip this thing closed. As it was, after only half a dozen attempts, I could see the zipper material pulling on and away from the polyweave. At that rate, I figured three or four times in and out of the thing, zipping it open and exhausting myself from zipping it closed... and the zipper would ultimately be "no more".

So, it's winging it's way back to the warehouse of the supplier. And - as I said - after vocally duking it out with the reps and only granted a "stay" of having to execute money from my wallet to pay to return the thing, because I made a rather lengthy, public post on a rather large online gardening community which rankled the feathers of my fellow/sister gardener, sending ripples back to the company...only then did they cave and give me my due. The product was flawed in my opinion, and the opinion of the sales reps, too, I might add. Not to mention even the manufacturer agreed it needed correcting and was in the process of revising and redesigning it for sale in Fall, 2006. (Which wouldn't have done me a heckuva lot of good now.

Now, between that brouhaha and a day planner that is strictly devoted to doctors appointments and tests for this month and into next, my available-time-dance card is pretty punched with everything but gardening penciled in. I will, however, endeavor to try my best at starting some seeds, replanting perennials I had to move last fall and no doubt having to plunk down more cash than I intended (or can ill afford) on purchasing annuals. Yuk. The thought of buying a flat of 48 plants for $8 or $9 kills me when I could have started that flat and probably another with just one or two packets of seed that would have set me back all of $3 or $4! But....a gardener's gotta do..what a gardener's gotta do. Suck it up...make the most of what's out there already...pray for volunteers by the bushelful and forget about buying those new, fancy earbuds for my iPod.
Oh well, it's not like I listen to music while I'm gardening anyway. At the risk of waxing too philosophical....(which never stopped me before)...I much prefer the music of nature to keep me "humming" along in the garden.

UPDATE ON YARDIAC

A "prompt" refund to my charge account was promised - back in early April. Late April statement arrived...no refund. Okay. Gave them another month's "grace" period, which I thought was treating them way more fairly and broadminded than they originally treated me. May statment arrived. Whoopsey Daisy! No refund! Why oh why...but I decided to wait till June! Gee. whiz. Guess what? Nada refundo on el credito. Call YARDIAC and get a sales rep who says (naturally) "Not my department, can't authorize that kind of credit". "Transfer me to the president, Mr. Ambrose. Believe me, he already knows all about the situation" I assured her. After fumphing and apologizing profusely and saying (no kidding): "Boy, oh boy, when we screw up...we screw up!" Again, I asked myself: No kidding! "It'll definitely be on the July statement. I'll even fax your credit card company w/the info so you're bank will have the refund on file. I can give you a transaction number right now." Fine and Dandy. (To quote George Carlin). But the whole scenario was neither fine nor dandy. It was a pain.

July statement arriveed and with much trepadation, I opened the envelope and lo and behold (*Cue the choirs of angels in the background*)...there it was. Full refund. Plus...$10 extra for "all the trouble they caused". Yeah, I know. Ten dollars is ten dollars. But, somehow I think my "trouble" had a little higher value than that. Frankly, though, they could have kept their $10.

THE CATS

UP ON THE ROOF

Had the roof redone. Work began around 8:00 yesterday and the guys finished up about 5:00. Considering it's a relatively small roof, I thought they might finish earlier. But it got done.

I just wish they'd been the slightest bit more careful of where they threw their gigantic leftover bundles of shingles when they were done. You'd think the driveway would be a likely place to toss the stuff. Wider, clear of any obstructions on either side. But, no. These guys had to chuck shingles, plastic, paper....whatever...all onto my little 3 or 4 foot walkway. My walkway which is surrouned on both sides by my planting beds! Can you say: Crushed plants?

I was hoping the snow wouldn't melt before we had the next phase of this done (the trim work and redoing the soffits and gutters). That work will bring galomping workboots even closer to the house and more ground work. Meaning: more direct traipsing in my flowerbeds adjacent to the house.

While I already moved most perennials out of harms way last fall, there's still some that just couldn't be moved. My hopes were the ground would be frozen enough to protect them and even better would be a nice protective cover of snow.

Sure, we had 18" of snow last week...but it's a memory now.Sigh! Oh well, nothing to do but hope for the best and look at it the way I've been adivsed to view it by some other gardeners: It'll give me an opportunity to redesign those areas I should have before, but never had the wherewithall to dig everything out. Sometimes. Some decisions are made for you. And....they're not always all bad.
Good thing I didn't take the time to sit and worry about it last week. My thoughts might have been a little chillier than usual.

TOMATO WEAVING

A novel, yet not uncommon, means to support and grow indeterminate tomatoes is BASKETWEAVING . Used primarily on larger-scale farms and operations, it can still be utilized for the backyard gardener. That picture was from my last year's vegetable garden. It was toward mid to late summer when the plants were just beginning to put on fruit. I usually grow about six different varieties of heirloom tomatoes in a 4' X 10' bed. Growing them this way is sort of like espaliering fruit trees. There's minimal pruning. But you do have to be dilligent about 'weaving' the stems through the cat's cradle of cotton twine. I find the twine best to use as it doesn't cut the stems while they rest on it and yet it holds them from slipping. Be prepared, also, to add new rungs of twine every week or so, depending on the speed of your plant's growth.

UPSIDE DOWN TANNENBAUM

Yes, Virginia, there really IS an upside-down Christmas tree!

Whether hung from the ceiling or balanced on its top needles in a weighted base, these freaks of artificial nature start at $250 and, if you want a pre-lit one, it'll set you back about $600. Seems stores and online catalogs can't keep up with the demand and are selling these things head over heels. Which begs the question: "What tha....?"

But hold onto your Christmas balls, folks! Maybe we shouldn't rush to judgment on these topsy-turvy tannenbaums. The dysfunctional elves at "Some People Will Buy Anything, LLC", are proclaiming possible promotional perks for the dangling 6 foot-plus centerpieces:

~Additional room underneath (on top?) of the tree to cram (as George Carlin says) "Even more stuff".

~Since there's no lower (upper?) branches poking into the sofa or side chairs, you'l have more seating space. (Dang! So much for the "not-enough-room-excuse" you've been hauling out each year in order not to invite your neighbors, the bickering, obnoxious Woolfs, George & Martha).

~Lower liquor bill. (See...ya don't tell anyone about the new tree, and when someone starts yammering about "a tree hanging from the ceiling", just smile, pat them on the shoulder reassuringly while removing that glass of your best Chivas from their trembling hand and tell them they're cut off for the night.)

But, Whoa!...reign in that credit card, Rudolph! Dancer and Prancer in R&D may have overlooked some possible downsides:

(1) Where do you put the star? And if you use an angel, wouldn't that just be so wrong to have her skirt up around her head?

(2) After the big man in the red suit exits the chimney and gets a load of this thing, will it harm the sensitivities of the little tikes hearing befuddled Santa's jolly "HoHo...Holy Sh*t!"?

(3) If the Earth should spin out of its orbit, will the tree then be right-side up and will we be hanging from the ceiling? Will reindeers collide? Between the two of them....can Martha Stewart and Stephen Hawking salvage this tree as "a good thing"?

(5) Wasn't this one of the dire prophecies foretold to Ebenezer by the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come, the evil King Wensi-WalMart?? Good grief! Wasn't poor Tim's little cane by the empty chair depressing enough?

(6) Finally... and perhaps most importantly - Since technically the decorations are also hanging upside down, would this alter or interfere in any way with the proper, specific functioning of particular Christmas tree decorations? Say, for instance....a bell ornament? I mean, as unthinkable as this may be.....Could...could this mean that Clarence wouldn't ever get his wings? Would Zuzu have to pawn her petals to Mr. Potter to save the Bailey Savings & Loan?

This could have cataclysmic repercussions!

For now, I'm quite happy with my little upright balsam fir, and about the only concern I have with it becoming upside down is if my two cats decide it might just look better that way after all!

Yrrem samtsirhC! & Yppah syadiloH