IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I DON'T LAUGH

I'm beginning to wonder if the reason I've been getting off "fairly" lucky these past few years without any major health issues (aside, of course from the usual arthritis, fleeting and not-so-fleeting bouts of depression and various and sundry accidents that have laid me up and out of action for awhile) is because it's all been accumulating...saving up...to whomp me all at once. For the Chinese, this is supposed to be The Year of The Dog. For this half Italian/half Canadian, 2006 is playing out as The Year of the Bitch all right.

If it were one thing to have thrown my system..my life..my priorities...out of whack, it'd be enough of an upheaval and adjustment. But it's two, two, two-physical ailments in one (as goes the old jingle).

There seems no way to begin at the beginning, because I'm already halfway into the second act and trying to bring any latecomers up to date is a bother. Not the fault of the dear reader. But my personal dislike and impatience at having to synopsize three months of aggravation, fear, anxiety, impatience and still unable to conjur up a more picture. For now, it's a jumble of scattered puzzle pieces that (at times) do seem to fit....only if I whack them hard enough however.

When I'm not crying, or wringing my hands in worry, staring off into space, or staying awake till all hours (like now, at 3:30am)...when I'm not doing any of those, I'm trying my best to keep busy with the whatever I can. "Whatever I can" usually pans out to be the more mundane. That which requires the least amount of grey-matter usage or anxiety which I don't need more of right about now. This is where my gardening and all the precursors that attend it (the seeding, coddling baby seedlings, prepping the soil, etc.) come in. Having been around the gardenig rodeo for over 20 years, much is done by rote, although it's still not easy. The effort I expend is more physical and creative. The physical I can handle if I pace myself and the creativity is like manna for a hungry woman. It's the juice or grease which lubricates the brain gears. Makes the real arduous use of those synapses, electrons and neurons in my system work at optimum speed and agility when I need to kick them up a notch in prep for another test, another bit of blood drawn, another doctor visit and another arduous sretch in yet another hospital outpatient waiting room.

In this particular instance and at this particular place and time in my life, gardening provides a welcome respite in which to lose myself. Albeit temporarily while coddling a cotyledon or weeding a bed for seeding, it gently nudges me and my cares down that garden path and off into another direction.

All I have to do is glance at my calendar and see the week of scheduled appointments ahead of me. But, for today, I'll check my garden calendar and see what seeds best be planted now and which of my temporarily heeled-in perennials in my back "nursery" bed are stretching their reborn arms and crying to be replanted. Gotta go. The "kids" are calling.

BEGINNING ANOTHER SEASON & Garden Supplier Advisory

Have to haul this little guy out of storage pretty soon. "Elmer" I call him. After the title character in the very first story I ever wrote, "Elmer, The Ant", in kindergarten. Replete with illustrations courtesy of my mother and myself via crayons. My present-day "Elmer" keeps a sharp "bug" eye overlooking my front garden each year.

How this year's garden will fare is anyone's guess. My seed starting was thwarted by some illness-related setbacks, and then I found myself without my greenhouse this year. I'd ordered a new one late last fall from "Yardiac"with the intention of putting it up this past February. It proved to be disastrous and up until a final resolution granted from on high at the company where it was ordered, I would have been stuck with it to the tune of $300. And if I chose to return it - which was only logical cause the thing was flawed from the git go - I would have had to fork over upwards of $125 for return shipping.

In haste I opted for a portable greenhouse. Actually, a good design in its conception, but a flop in it's practical application. Perhaps if the manufacturer had allowed enough of the polyweave material on either side of the zipper door, then the door could have actually zipped. Bad enough I've got rotator cuff problems, I didn't need to be yanking it out of the socket trying to zip this thing closed. As it was, after only half a dozen attempts, I could see the zipper material pulling on and away from the polyweave. At that rate, I figured three or four times in and out of the thing, zipping it open and exhausting myself from zipping it closed... and the zipper would ultimately be "no more".

So, it's winging it's way back to the warehouse of the supplier. And - as I said - after vocally duking it out with the reps and only granted a "stay" of having to execute money from my wallet to pay to return the thing, because I made a rather lengthy, public post on a rather large online gardening community which rankled the feathers of my fellow/sister gardener, sending ripples back to the company...only then did they cave and give me my due. The product was flawed in my opinion, and the opinion of the sales reps, too, I might add. Not to mention even the manufacturer agreed it needed correcting and was in the process of revising and redesigning it for sale in Fall, 2006. (Which wouldn't have done me a heckuva lot of good now.

Now, between that brouhaha and a day planner that is strictly devoted to doctors appointments and tests for this month and into next, my available-time-dance card is pretty punched with everything but gardening penciled in. I will, however, endeavor to try my best at starting some seeds, replanting perennials I had to move last fall and no doubt having to plunk down more cash than I intended (or can ill afford) on purchasing annuals. Yuk. The thought of buying a flat of 48 plants for $8 or $9 kills me when I could have started that flat and probably another with just one or two packets of seed that would have set me back all of $3 or $4! But....a gardener's gotta do..what a gardener's gotta do. Suck it up...make the most of what's out there already...pray for volunteers by the bushelful and forget about buying those new, fancy earbuds for my iPod.
Oh well, it's not like I listen to music while I'm gardening anyway. At the risk of waxing too philosophical....(which never stopped me before)...I much prefer the music of nature to keep me "humming" along in the garden.

UPDATE ON YARDIAC

A "prompt" refund to my charge account was promised - back in early April. Late April statement arrived...no refund. Okay. Gave them another month's "grace" period, which I thought was treating them way more fairly and broadminded than they originally treated me. May statment arrived. Whoopsey Daisy! No refund! Why oh why...but I decided to wait till June! Gee. whiz. Guess what? Nada refundo on el credito. Call YARDIAC and get a sales rep who says (naturally) "Not my department, can't authorize that kind of credit". "Transfer me to the president, Mr. Ambrose. Believe me, he already knows all about the situation" I assured her. After fumphing and apologizing profusely and saying (no kidding): "Boy, oh boy, when we screw up...we screw up!" Again, I asked myself: No kidding! "It'll definitely be on the July statement. I'll even fax your credit card company w/the info so you're bank will have the refund on file. I can give you a transaction number right now." Fine and Dandy. (To quote George Carlin). But the whole scenario was neither fine nor dandy. It was a pain.

July statement arriveed and with much trepadation, I opened the envelope and lo and behold (*Cue the choirs of angels in the background*)...there it was. Full refund. Plus...$10 extra for "all the trouble they caused". Yeah, I know. Ten dollars is ten dollars. But, somehow I think my "trouble" had a little higher value than that. Frankly, though, they could have kept their $10.

THE CATS

UP ON THE ROOF

Had the roof redone. Work began around 8:00 yesterday and the guys finished up about 5:00. Considering it's a relatively small roof, I thought they might finish earlier. But it got done.

I just wish they'd been the slightest bit more careful of where they threw their gigantic leftover bundles of shingles when they were done. You'd think the driveway would be a likely place to toss the stuff. Wider, clear of any obstructions on either side. But, no. These guys had to chuck shingles, plastic, paper....whatever...all onto my little 3 or 4 foot walkway. My walkway which is surrouned on both sides by my planting beds! Can you say: Crushed plants?

I was hoping the snow wouldn't melt before we had the next phase of this done (the trim work and redoing the soffits and gutters). That work will bring galomping workboots even closer to the house and more ground work. Meaning: more direct traipsing in my flowerbeds adjacent to the house.

While I already moved most perennials out of harms way last fall, there's still some that just couldn't be moved. My hopes were the ground would be frozen enough to protect them and even better would be a nice protective cover of snow.

Sure, we had 18" of snow last week...but it's a memory now.Sigh! Oh well, nothing to do but hope for the best and look at it the way I've been adivsed to view it by some other gardeners: It'll give me an opportunity to redesign those areas I should have before, but never had the wherewithall to dig everything out. Sometimes. Some decisions are made for you. And....they're not always all bad.
Good thing I didn't take the time to sit and worry about it last week. My thoughts might have been a little chillier than usual.

TOMATO WEAVING

A novel, yet not uncommon, means to support and grow indeterminate tomatoes is BASKETWEAVING . Used primarily on larger-scale farms and operations, it can still be utilized for the backyard gardener. That picture was from my last year's vegetable garden. It was toward mid to late summer when the plants were just beginning to put on fruit. I usually grow about six different varieties of heirloom tomatoes in a 4' X 10' bed. Growing them this way is sort of like espaliering fruit trees. There's minimal pruning. But you do have to be dilligent about 'weaving' the stems through the cat's cradle of cotton twine. I find the twine best to use as it doesn't cut the stems while they rest on it and yet it holds them from slipping. Be prepared, also, to add new rungs of twine every week or so, depending on the speed of your plant's growth.